MY TEN FAVORITE SONGS

in no particular order.

"Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show" by Neil Diamond

We know that God is not a female, because God is Neil Diamond.

"Old Dogs, Children, and Watermelon Wine" by Tom T. Hall

If Neil Diamond is God, then Tom T. Hall is Jesus. Johnny Cash is a fraud; he's the John Denver of Country Music.

 "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger

This song is so resplendently bad that it it is transcendent, transfigurative and... uhh... transgendered. I yelp with delight whenever it comes on the radio.

"Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot

Rap has sucked since about 1994. 

"Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas

Those cats were fast as lightning! Other people insist it wasn't "cats" but actually "kicks," "jerks," or "kids." Every time my brothers and I heard this song, we instantly began karate-chopping and scissor-kicking each other.

"One Tin Soldier Rides Away" by Coven

This is that song from "Billy Jack." The Seventies were clearly the apogee of Western Culture.

"Help Me Rhonda" by the Beach Boys

Horrible yet utterly irresistible, this is the one tune that I could listen to a billion times and never get sick of it. Did you know that Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys were idiot savants? They were from a semi-trashy background and had little education; none could read or write music, and were woefully inarticulate. As soon as they got rich they all blew vast fortunes on things like pinball machines, go-karts, mini-bikes, and machine guns. Yet Brian and his bros were indisputably musical geniuses, and time has proved that even their bitter-and-forgotten-period music compares favorably (very favorably) with anything the Beatles ever did.

"It's a Sunshine Day" by the Brady Bunch Kids

The great Brady Bunch unspoken: The producers, directors, writers, etc. for the show were all exclusively Jewish... working together to create their dream vision of golden-blond, Aryan goyischer life. Weird. 

"Shapoopi" by Buddy Hackett and the cast of The Music Man

This absolutely, positively kicks ass.

"Jailbreak" by AC/DC

A Bon Scott classic.